The Song Of My People

Son: “How do you spell my name?” Daughter: “P-O-O-P”

Son : "Mama, what's Es-pen?" Me: "What? Say it again." Son: "Es-pen" Me: "Use it in a sentence." Son: "Uh, what's Es-pen?" Me: "That doesn't help me. Where did you see it?" Son: "The TV." Me: "Spell it." Son: "E-S-P-N" Me: "Oh, thats ESPN not Es-pen"

  "Aren't you glad we have writing technology?" - The Son  

Daughter - 4 Son - 8 1. If you won a million dollars, what would you buy? D- A seed to grow flowers S- I would buy a mansion and a Viking sized bed 2. How long does it take to get to the beach? D- 89 seconds S- uh, I don’t know. 90 hours maybe. 3. What does Mom always say to you? D- No S- Yes 4. What job would you like to do when you grow up? D- I want to poop scoop S- To be a hard worker like daddy 5. Who is the strongest person? D- Bubby S- Daddy 6. Where do babies come from? D- Babies come from cribs S- Bellies 7. At what age do you become a grownup? D- 10 years old S- You have to be 35, 65, or 75, who cares? It has to be away from the teens though. 8. What’s the worst rule I have? D- Bad guys S- Poop scooping 9. What wild animal do you like? D- A lion, and a monkey S- Well, my favorite animal is, panther 10. What would you do if you couldn’t find your underwear? D- Poop S- I would put on a diaper I guess 11. If you could eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be...

Daughter: Do you see him? Me: No Daughter: Ma, it’s so obvious where he is Me: K, where is he? Still can't see him Daughter: It’s obvious Me: Oh ok. Gotcha. He was in the other room.

Daughter: Here, I’m gonna set my baby here and she can be our puke Me: Puke means barf Daughter: No it doesn’t Me: Uh, what’s a puke? Daughter: A watcher while we dance Me: Okay then.

Son (talking to his Chromebook): Tell me about Borderlands Laptop: Borderlands is… Son: Give me more Laptop: Borderlands is... Son: No, machine, I want more information Laptop: Borderlands is… Son: I want to read about it more, not hear you repeat yourself. Stupid machine!

Our son trying to get information from his Chromebook: How did Baracka get his powers? I said how did Baracka get his powers, not Barack Obama! Who is Baracka? Why does it keep getting me to Barack Obama?! What is The Nether Realm? Hmm the Nether Realm is in Chicago. How did Sub Zero get his powers? Who is Raiden? Who did Raiden get his powers? Who Is Shinnock? Not Chinook! Shinnock! Who is Kabal? Not what is a Kabal, who is Kabal?! Who is Kano? Take me to Jade I didn't tell you to take me to Jaden Smith's page!! Who is Jade? Who is Jade from Mortal Kombat? Who is Scarlett from Mortal Kombat? Who is Terminator? Who is Spawn?

Daughter: Ma, have no idea why dogs have nose holes Me: They have them so they can breathe Daughter: Since dogs have nose holes they don’t have to sit like this (begins holding her breath) Me: Right Daughter stops holding her breath, and a few minutes pass. Daughter: Ma, if we didn’t have foreheads we wouldn’t have brains. We’d be fart heads and have no idea. And it would be hilarious. Me: It sure would.

Daughter to Son: “You’re supposed to be buff, because this is a buff club, and you have to be big and buff."