The Song Of My People

Our son is doing his schoolwork this morning - he literally figured out on his own how to go back and forth on the quiz to find the right answer out of the multiple choice. When it gives him a red x it says go back and change your answer, so he tries a, then tries b, and then c is the right answer. He passes the quiz. I’m not saying anything bc I feel he should pass the quiz on that alone

After an entire week of our daughter screaming she wants "Gary", she finally picked up a Gatorade bottle and told me she would like me to "open Gary" Gary = Gatorade

Daughter: Dont talk to me Son: You definitely have feelings. You’re very bossy. Daughter: Don’t talk to me THIS WAY. Or I’ll spank you with that spoon. Son: If you spank me with the spoon, mommy will spank you with the spoon. Daughter: No Son: I have feelings. I get angry. You can’t color with a pretzel. That’s not how life works Daughter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 11, 66 Son: You only have 12 pretzels. If you paid more attention to Elmo you’d actually know how to count by now. Daughter: Mommy farted Eli. I smell mommy’s stinky booty Son: Did you actually fart mama? Me: No Son: You need to tell the truth. I’m sorry to tell you, but you can’t fix Mother Nature. You’re doomed. You’re Captain Butthole Daughter: Wanna make a pretzel castle?

I found out today that our son has a homework folder he should be bringing home each day from school. I wondered why he didn’t have any homework in first grade, but just figured maybe his teacher was a no homework kinda gal. And now I know: he has NEVER brought his home. Not one time...all year long so far.

Our son singing, while doing math: “I hate math. I hate math. I hate maaaaaaaath. I don't know math well as a kid. When I’m an adult I’m going to be so good at math.” Me: "Do your math buddy.” Son does one math problem: “My body will change ya know, and my brain will tell me to do math when I’m an adult, just not while I’m a kid.” Son does another math problem: “What the heck?! I DO NOT have 11 fingers! How am I supposed to do this math?” Son sits down marker: “I hate math. Math is dumb, stupid and most of all...you know sometimes if my teacher gives me homework to do at home I crumple it up and throw it in the trash can because I hate math.” Me: “That may prevent you from moving on into the second grade so all the friends you’re making now will be in second grade without you, and you’ll have to make new first grade friends.” Son sits back not doing math: “I think Hannah pooped, want me to check her diaper for you?” I’m silent. Son begins doing his math again, and sings: “I...

Our daughter was sent to her room for talking back. While she was in there, she took off her poop diaper. Out of anger she sat on her little chair, her pillow and her bed. And in those spots I found poop smashed. I also found a turd nugget on the floor. I have given birth to CHUCKY

Today I laid our daughter down for a nap.  She took her diaper off and pooped on the floor. She then proceed to climb back in bed and nap with no diaper. Of course I didn't discover any of this until after she woke up from her nap. My family is a circus.