Captain Butthole

Daughter: Dont talk to me

Son: You definitely have feelings. You’re very bossy.
Daughter: Don’t talk to me THIS WAY. Or I’ll spank you with that spoon.
Son: If you spank me with the spoon, mommy will spank you with the spoon.
Daughter: No
Son: I have feelings. I get angry. You can’t color with a pretzel. That’s not how life works
Daughter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 11, 66
Son: You only have 12 pretzels. If you paid more attention to Elmo you’d actually know how to count by now.
Daughter: Mommy farted Eli. I smell mommy’s stinky booty
Son: Did you actually fart mama?
Me: No
Son: You need to tell the truth. I’m sorry to tell you, but you can’t fix Mother Nature. You’re doomed. You’re Captain Butthole
Daughter: Wanna make a pretzel castle?

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