Captain Butthole
Daughter: Dont talk to me Son: You definitely have feelings. You’re very bossy. Daughter: Don’t talk to me THIS WAY. Or I’ll spank you with that spoon. Son: If you spank me with the spoon, mommy will spank you with the spoon. Daughter: No Son: I have feelings. I get angry. You can’t color with a pretzel. That’s not how life works Daughter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 11, 66 Son: You only have 12 pretzels. If you paid more attention to Elmo you’d actually know how to count by now. Daughter: Mommy farted Eli. I smell mommy’s stinky booty Son: Did you actually fart mama? Me: No Son: You need to tell the truth. I’m sorry to tell you, but you can’t fix Mother Nature. You’re doomed. You’re Captain Butthole Daughter: Wanna make a pretzel castle?